Take a hike.

I'm helpless in this thick fog of complications.

My arms are becoming weak from all of the pushing and flailing around in emptiness, just searching for something tangible enough to pull me towards clarity. I need the chocolate milk and sprinklers. I need the combinations of a million effortless joys. But in the midst of the fog, I've forgotten. 

I'm so intertwined in the knots of "important things", that I've even stopped having that dream about the fort I build for my future kids. I guess something so petty can't exist in my subconscious anymore. It's these moments that I realize how meaningless simple joys have become to me. Because right now, even bubbles look stupid.

I've been getting like this too much lately. Getting too sad. So I know I have to leave. I have to do something before it gets worse. I get in my car and drive 'till I hit a mountain. Or a river. Or a field. Or any place where I can't see a building. 

It's what I always do. Just go somewhere that I can climb until I become overwhelmed with the power of nature. And as I pray to be reminded of the simple happiness I crave, I become completely alone. This is when I am given the best advice: 

Silence.

I hear nothing but silence. A chance for a moment to feel small, and completely alone. But the good kind of alone. The kind where you are so surrounded by life, that you don't feel alone at all. And your insignificance paints a layer of white onto all of your worries. And as you marvel in the mercy and company of mother earth, you wonder how you could feel so lost in the first place.

That's why I come here. I come for the comfort of the grasses, the trees and the dirt. I come because they don't care about my problems. Yet, in the simplest way, they still care about me. 

People say to look at the big picture. That it will help. But every time I do, I can only see how much bigger the complications have become. So this is me saying to look at the little picture. To notice the small things, and the simple moments. The ones with fruit loop necklaces and rollerblades. The ones where you need to stand alone to appreciate the view, and just breathe. Breathe in the foreign air that overcomes your body with peace. 

 It's simply beautiful.

This is my therapy. It's awake and ruthless. 

But I like it here, because my footprints are the only ones I see.